Reboot
by PhantasyPhan13
Summary: After surviving the wreck of Bratt's robot, Clive finds himself in the hands of the Gru family. What follows is a crazy adventure involving nasty AVL agents, a conflict of conscience, and a new robot that's even nuttier than Bratt himself. Will Clive survive? And, more importantly, will he ever decide where his true loyalties lie?
1. Meet the Grus

Nope. Nothing in the original code for this.

Still, it was worth a try.

If only Clive could actually _see_ out of all the concrete and burnt metal. He squinted through the wreckage and pushed at the stone again. It still wouldn't budge. Granted, he hadn't been built for heavy lifting, but anything was possible when Bratt's life was in danger. Wasn't it?

Clive moped. Maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe Balthazar was dead. Maybe he was in space and dreaming. Maybe he should just give up. He was just a pile of plastic and computer code; he might as well just throw himself into the nearest recycling bin and wait for the truck to come.

He wasn't going to lie to himself-he wasn't going to make it. There was only flotsam and jetsam as far as the eye could see, and a huge slab was pressing down on his chest. He knew some of that burnt metal smell was probably _his own insides, melting…_

Clive tried to slap himself in the face to snap himself out of it, but he just wound up cracking his eyes with a small rock. "Balthazar! Boss! I'm here, I'm here! Get me out!" Clive screamed hysterically.

No answer. Just like it had been for however long he was here. "Boss, I'm okay! Come get me! I'm not deactivated!"

Clive was just about to turn himself off for good when he heard a familiar voice. He couldn't make out the words, exactly, but there was no denying it. It was Balthazar screaming. Clive shook his head as well as he was able to. That wasn't good. If Balthazar was in danger, he wasn't going to come looking for him. Even if Clive had been his best friend since childhood and Balthazar had never talked down to him and he was the closest thing Clive had to a friend, too...

He sputtered suddenly as light finally entered his field of vision. _Salvation!_ He frantically scrabbled at the rock, screaming at the top of his voice box.

Nothing changed for a few minutes, but the light kept shining. A Russian guy was yelling and flinging shrapnel away from Clive. _#$ %!_ It was that idiot Gru. Suddenly, Clive decided that his current situation was far better than escape. He sat still and shielded his face with his tiny, useless arms as best he could. _Why weren't they built longer?!_

"Dru! Are you in there?" Gru shouted. Clive was tempted to say something like, _No, you've got the wrong guy. My name is Clive._ But it wasn't worth the effort. What was the use? His best friend was gone and he was probably going to shut off in a few hours anyway.

Clive felt himself lifted into the air. He flailed wildly. No way was he going to let the man who probably killed Balthazar touch him. "Let go of me! You're not Balthazar!" Clive yelped.

Obviously Gru was surprised too, because he dropped Clive with a start. Clive fell face-first into the sidewalk and heard a loud crack. He whimpered as he realized his eyesight had just gone out. _Great. Now I'm even worse off and even if Balthazar is alive I won't be able to see him._ He tried to push himself upright but just fell on his face again. Another crack.

But this crack sounded different. It was louder and had a different texture than the first one, and his head was buzzing. Clive reached up to touch his head and was just able to feel a huge dent in his face. Clive freaked out as he realized what had happened. _He...he just damaged my main database! That's got everything in it! If that goes out I'm as good as deactivated._

" _You. Hurt. Me,_ " Clive spat. He finally pushed himself upright and tried to glare at Gru. He charged toward Gru, waving his little claws in an attempt to be scary.

All he got was a loud snort for his efforts. Then Gru gasped, and Clive smirked. _Glad I scared him._

But that wasn't it. There was somebody else walking up behind Gru. "Brother! Were you looking for me?" said a cheerful voice sounding somewhat like Gru's. Clive did the closest thing he could to rolling his eyes. Two idiots? Wonderful.

A bunch of sappy hugging ensued. Clive didn't even bother listening to what was being said. Instead, he wheeled out and waved his arms desperately in the air. Maybe if he was lucky, Balthazar would see him and come pick him up. He was pretty sure Balthazar was done for at this point, but a robot could hope, right?

To his relief, he heard a familiar voice calling his name. "Balthazar! Over here! Help me!" Clive cried.

He couldn't really hear Balthazar's reply, but it sounded something like, "What did they do to you? I'll kill them!"

"Don't get revenge! Come get ME!" Clive whined. If only his eyes weren't out, he could've seen where Balthazar was. Instead, he rolled in the vague direction of his master's voice, hoping that eventually he'd bump into Balthazar.

Balthazar must have been quite a ways off, though, because Clive rolled for what felt like several minutes and he didn't bump into anyone except a few passersby. "Master? Where are you? I don't know where you are!"

Balthazar yelled something back, but Clive couldn't hear. "What are you saying? I can't hear you!" Clive called. He tried to tweak his antenna to see if he could pick up anything, but nothing worked. In fact, his hearing actually got a little _worse_.

He frowned and set his antenna back to normal. He shouted for Balthazar again, but his boss's reply was fainter than ever. _What's wrong? Is he flying? Maybe that's why he can't come get me,_ Clive thought. He relaxed a bit at this thought. _He'll probably come get me when he gets on the ground. But why is he flying? Did another gum bubble get out of control AGAIN?_

"I see you up there, Balthazar! I can't follow! Come down!" the little robot pleaded. No response. Definitely another gum bubble. It happened from time to time, and there was nothing he could do about it. It looked like Clive might be on his own for a while.

"Hey, Agnes, look at him! Isn't he cool?" said a girl's voice. Clive tried to push her away, but the girl had a shockingly strong grip.

"He's so fluffy!" squealed another girl's voice. Clive knew he was in for it. He'd seen how little girls acted around cute things before, and it wasn't pretty.

"Go away," Clive said. The girls didn't seem to care. Instead, they started shrieking and hugging him. _Oh no._

There wasn't much he could try, but he sure wasn't going to end up as some kid's plaything. There was always….yes, yes, that might work.

Clive quickly searched to see if he still had any memory of the creepy tape from a particularly weird episode of _Evil Bratt_ that Balthazar had put inside him once as a joke. To his disappointment, there was only the faintest fragment of memory left, but it would have to do.

Grinning, Clive played the soundbite. It was Balthazar saying his trademark "I've been a BAAAAAAAAD boy!", except it was played back more slowly and sounded like it came from the depths of hell. To his pleasure, the girls shrieked in surprise and let him go.

"Goodbye," Clive said as he wheeled out as fast as his feet could take him. He didn't know what he'd do, but he'd figure something out until he found Balthazar again. Maybe he could sell some of Balthazar's silly action figures or something.

Just as he was starting to think he'd get home free, he heard a, "Oh no you don't! You're coming with us!"

Clive whipped around in time to get tasered. He thrashed and groaned for a few moments, then flopped to the ground. Then he felt a high heel pin him to the street. "We're taking you back to the AVL. You're Bratt's property; maybe you have secret tapes or videos or something of other crimes he's committed! Right?" said the voice, a little bit too enthusiastically.

"No. Stop," Clive snapped. It was probably a good time to unleash a few weapons of his own. He quickly retracted one of his arms and replaced it with a drill, then drove it into the woman's ankle.

She said, "Ow!" and hopped back. When a foot came down in his face in response, Clive used the same tactic. Again, it worked. It seemed as though things were looking up.

Clive could hear the screams of Gru's family (if that's who those nasty people attacking him were) behind him as he rolled onto a curb. He stuck his fingers-well, pincers-near his mouth and whistled for a cab. It wasn't long before he heard a car pull up next to him. Before the driver could react, Clive launched himself through the window, shoved the driver out of the car, and took off. There were a few crashes and bangs as he hit other cars, but he didn't care. It didn't matter where he was going; he just needed to get away from all these Grus.

For a while, everything went smoothly: Clive seemed to be making progress, and he wasn't hitting another car every five seconds. It was almost too good to be true. Here he was, a blind robot, driving with no idea where he was going….and nothing happened. The Grus didn't even seem interested in him anymore!

Except that he knew it was starting to go wrong. _Horribly_ wrong. In the next moment, he heard a loud bang and felt a flash of bright hot light on his face. _Please don't let this be an oil tanker,_ Clive prayed.

Except that's exactly what it was. The burning gas from the truck leaked onto his face. Panicked, he screamed and slapped at his face, but he only made the pain worse. In a desperate attempt to squelch the fire, Clive flung himself out of a window and hit the pavement.

Clive weakly rolled over and over, still trying to get the fire out. To his dismay, he heard the screech of a car and the surprised shouts of the Gru clan. _Now what? I'm melting, I don't know where the car is, and I'm probably damaged for life,_ he thought.

"Vhat on earth are you doing?" gasped Gru. Clive ignored him. He was cornered, there was only one option left, and he didn't like it. But it was all he had.

The instant Gru grabbed him, he silently bade farewell to the world and to Balthazar before shutting himself down.

….

"Wow, this guy is really old! Is he like from the 80s or something?" Edith asked as she played with the deactivated robot in the backseat of the car.

"Knowing Balthazar, he probably is," Lucy said. "I hope he's okay! I mean, umm, if we don't fix him, then we'll never know what else Balthazar was up to, right, Gru?"

Gru didn't reply because, well, he'd just seen a robot on fire jumping out of a stolen vehicle. What was there to say? He'd seen a lot of strange things in his life-including some he would never, _ever_ tell his family about-but this was one of the weirdest. To be perfectly honest, the whole thing creeped him out.

"Errr, girls, we need to stop at ze junkyard on ze way home," Gru stuttered.

Edith looked up. "Why?"

Gru didn't know how to put it delicately. He glanced at Lucy, who, to his dismay, looked disappointed. Gru bit his lip before he spoke, knowing that nobody in the car was going to like what would come next.

"Ummm, gurls, zis robot ees broken. I don't think ve can repair him. Oh vell; let's just chalk it up to deesappointment, eh?" Gru said.

Edith stopped playing with Clive and stared at Gru, her mouth wide open in shock. "But it's not that bad! Besides, I really wanted to keep him! PLEEEEASE?" she begged.

"You know, he is kind of cute," Lucy said. "Maybe once Nefario gets out of the carbonite, he can repair him."

Gru hesitated. Edith rarely asked for anything, and it seemed unfair to deny her request. But then Gru looked at the half-melted, dented, and burnt wreck and shook his head. "I'm sorry, gurls. I think zis robot ees done for," he said.

Edith scowled and kick the seat in front of her. "No fair! Agnes gets a goat and a unicorn, but I can't even have a robot!"

"Ow!" Gru winced. He'd never know how such a tiny girl could be so strong. He sighed. He knew he'd lost this battle. He turned to look at Edith and realized that all the girls-even Lucy-were looking at him with puppy-dog eyes. "All right, all right! We'll take ze robot home and see if Nefario can do something about eet. But if he can't fix eet, don't blame me," Gru said. "Edith, please stop kicking ze seat or I might go back on zees…"

Edith shrieked in joy and hugged Clive. "Thank you, Gru! You're the best dad ever!"

Lucy and the other girls cheered quietly as Gru pulled into the driveway. "All right, gurls. I know you are all excited, but it might take a vhile to get Nefario out of ze carbonite," Gru warned.

Nobody seemed to have heard him. Edith ran into the house with the robot lifted over her head as Agnes chased after her. Margo turned to Gru and raised an eyebrow. "Dad, are you sure Nefario can fix it? It looks pretty bad."

Gru shrugged. "I don't know, sveetheart. Ve'll just have to try, von't we?"

"I guess," Margo said. She looked to Lucy for assurance.

"Oh, of course Dr. Nefario can fix it! Don't worry about a thing!" Lucy said cheerfully, patting Margo on the head as she walked into the house.

Gru sighed. It looked like Nefario was going to have to fix that robot if his life depended on it.


	2. Here Comes the AVL

"I don't know, Gru. I don't think I can fix it," Dr. Nefario sighed as he looked at what remained of Clive.

"But Dr. Nefario, you have to fix eet! My wife and ze gurls are depending on you!" Gru wailed, flapping his arms anxiously. "I don't know what to tell zem if you can't do zis!"

Dr. Nefario poked experimentally at Clive. "I'm sorry, Gru, but it's damaged beyond repair. I'd have to start from scratch and build an entirely new robot at this-"

Both of them jumped as one of the robot's feet twitched. "Ahhh! Eet's alive!" Gru gasped. He looked at Nefario, but Nefario just shrugged.

"Gru, I don't know what's-" Nefario started again, but before he could finish his sentence, the robot sat up and tilted its head.

"Rebooting entirely. Database restarting…." Clive droned. His head dropped and he seemed to shut off as a loud grinding noise started up.

Both Gru and Nefario were silent for a moment. "Dr. Nefario...what is it doing?" Gru finally asked.

Dr. Nefario shrugged. "I'm not sure, Gru. I've never seen a robot of this type before. I don't even know what kind of software it might run on. But as long as this thing still works, I suppose I can try to work on it."

"Why is eet making zat grinding noise? Ees eet shutting off?"

"I'm not sure of that either. Like I said, I've never seen a robot like this before. Maybe it's one of a kind. Although…" Dr. Nefario faltered as he opened the robot's back up and peeked inside.

"Vhat? Vhat is it?" Gru snapped.

"-it almost looks more like a _prop_ than an actual robot," Dr. Nefario finished. "In fact, I'm not so sure it's an actual robot per se. It's hollow inside-there's no actual wires…"

Gru squinted at Nefario, wondering if Nefario was seeing things again. Maybe the time in the carbonite had damaged his vision. If Nefario's hearing wasn't so great, then who knew what else wasn't working right?

Dr. Nefario gave Gru an offended look, as though he had heard Gru's thoughts. "If you don't believe me, come and see for yourself," Nefario offered. Gru stepped up beside Nefario and gazed into the depths of the robot. To his shock, Nefario was right-there were no gears or wires of any kind. Instead, there was only what looked like a shiny pink plastic heart held in the center by pipes and cables. The rest of the robot was entirely empty.

"Vhy vould anyone design a prop like thees? Eet's so tacky," Gru scoffed.

"Well, it _was_ the 80's, Gru," Nefario said. "Besides, I've never actually watched Bratt's show, so I don't know if the interior was designed like this for a specific episode or not."

"Vell, do you think you can repair it?" Gru asked, secretly relieved. Although he was a little disappointed that the robot clearly wasn't going to reveal any of Bratt's secrets, he was glad that it wasn't going to cause any trouble. The last thing he needed in his life was another little munchkin barging in and turning his life upside down.

"I'll try," Nefario said. "You know, knowing that this is a prop and not an actual robot makes it so much easier! I don't know what Bratt was doing with this thing, but-"

"-but vhy vas it making that grinding noise?" Gru said, suddenly spooked. "If eet's really a prop, eet shouldn't be making any noise at all."

"I don't know, Gru. I'll need take a closer look at it before I know exactly how it works," Nefario huffed.

"Vell, thank you for trying," Gru said. "I must be getting back to thee gurls now. Good luck vith ze robot!"

As Gru walked out of the lab, Nefario cautiously opened the head of the robot. He spit out his false teeth in shock when he realized what he was looking at. "Gru, come back here, I've just found something incredible!" Nefario called, but Gru was already gone.

…

After many hours of tinkering, explosions, and muttered curses, Dr. Nefario finally finished fixing the robot. He grinned as the Grus entered the lab, looking in awe at the sheet-covered robot.

"So it's really ready? You're going to turn it on?" Edith said, her eyes shining with excitement.

Nefario nodded. "Oh, it's ready all right. Look at this beauty!"

And with that, Nefario unveiled the robot. There were oohs and aahs as the robot sparked to life. It shifted from foot to foot and blinked as it took in its new surroundings. It looked confused and frightened, like it had never seen anything like the current sights before it.

The robot quickly turned its head and gazed at the family, eventually coming to rest its eyes on Edith. "Greetings. I am C.L.I.V.E., also known as Clearly Living Interactive-Very Eighties," the robot droned. "Copyright 1985, Kawaii Robotics. Programming is to commence immediately. What do you want to name me?"

"This is so cool!" Edith squealed. She ran over to Dr. Nefario and hugged him. "Thanks for fixing him."

"Vait, vait, vait a meenute!" Gru said. "Vhat ees going on here? Vhy is it restarting? Vhy doesn't it remember it vas Balthazar's robot?"

"I'm sorry, Gru, but it kept rebooting and I couldn't get it to stop," Nefario said. "Besides, it was so damaged that I had no choice to restart it."

"Awww," Lucy said. "You mean it's not going to tell us anything about Balthazar?"

"I'm afraid not," Nefario replied.

"I don't care!" Edith said. "Ummm….can I name you Ninja?"

Clive nodded. "Name accepted. Storing in database…"

The robot commenced to make another series of grinding noises for several minutes before he spoke again. "'Ninja' accepted. What is your intended primary purpose for usage?"

"Errr….I don't know," Edith stammered. "Ummm...I just want to play with you?"

The robot nodded again. "Playmate accepted as primary purpose. Resetting database for new primary purpose…"

Gru frowned as he looked at the robot. "Do you suppose eet has any memory of Bratt at all?" he whispered to Dr. Nefario.

"I think it may, Gru…" Dr. Nefario faltered. "When I looked inside its head, I found something rather unusual…"

"Vhat vas it?"

"That so-called 'database' it speaks of is actually a BRAIN."

Gru almost spit in Nefario's face. "VHAT?! Zat should be eempossible! How on Earth…"

"I'm not sure, Gru. All I know is that when I opened the head, there was a brain in a huge vat in there. To be fair, it wasn't exactly natural-looking, so there may be some robotic elements involved, but…"

"...zat makes no sense at all," Gru finished. "Eet's just a prop! How can eet have a brain? Ees eet a plastic brain or sometheeng? Eet can't be real...right?"

"I don't know, Gru. This robot is pretty unusual. We'll have to keep an eye on him," Nefario said.

"But if eet has a brain...how do we get eet to remember Balthazar Bratt?" Gru asked. He wasn't sure what exactly he was getting, and whether he even wanted to go this far.

Nefario grinned and pulled out a ginormous a wooden hammer. "Just one knock on the head should do it," he said as he prepared to swing.

Gru leapt forward and held down Nefario's arm. "NO NO NO NO NO! On second thought, ze last thing we need is for zis robot to remember eets owner and cause more trouble!"

"Aww," Edith said. "I kind of wanted to see what would happen…"

"NOBODY vill be doing anysing to zis robot to get it back to eets original settings," Gru scolded. He frowned as he suddenly realized that the AVL would absolutely want their hands on this thing if they knew it had survived the wreck. "Lucy, vhat do I do?"

"Can't we keep him? I've had a stack of CDs I've wanted to play for ages and I really want to try them out on this guy," Lucy whispered in glee.

"Lucy, this robot is so old that he actually only plays _cassettes_ ," Nefario pointed out.

Lucy shrugged. "So? I still want to keep him! At least he won't pee on the neighbor's bushes, unlike some pets I could mention."

"Kyle's not _that_ bad!" Agnes pointed out helpfully.

Gru sighed. "All right, ze robot stays. But if he makes trouble…"

But Edith was already eagerly trying to teach Clive to climb up the stairs.

….

Gru had never seen Edith act so happy before. She would take the robot _everywhere_ with her, even to family dinners out. If Agnes wanted to play tea party with her, Edith would insist that the robot was included. Gru even caught them watching cartoons together one morning. Gru had to admit he was a little concerned about Edith's obsession, but Lucy insisted it was harmless and would go away eventually.

So Gru let it all slide. All that really mattered was that Edith was enjoying herself and keeping the robot out of trouble. What did it matter that the AVL probably wanted the thing? Surely they'd understand his reasons for keeping it.

At least, that was what Gru thought for the three whole weeks that the silence lasted.

It all happened one Sunday morning after church, when Edith was swordfighting with the robot in the front yard. Clive didn't make a particularly good opponent, but he fought as best he could. He only managed to last half a minute, at best, before Edith triumphantly knocked him down.

"Five times! I won _five times_!" Edith exclaimed. She grinned as Clive grumbled and picked himself up. "Can we do it again?"

"I always lose," Clive moaned. But he just shook his head and picked up his sword. "Ready?"

"You bet I am!" Edith said. Her sword clashed with Clive's as she attempted to knock the weapon out of his hand. Just as Edith was getting the upper hand, however, a large white van with 'AVL' in large blue letters on its side rolled up to the house. Two men wearing nice suits and sunglasses approached the house with a clipboard, looking very concerned.

"Is this the residence of Mr. Felonious Gru and Mrs. Lucy Wilde?" one of the men asked. He looked about three hundred pounds and had a Fu Manchu mustache that reached his stomach.

"Yeah, I guess," Edith said. "Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be _secret_ agents?"

The other man-a slender creature with a hideous cowlick-frowned. "We need you to take us to them immediately. There is some rather important business we must discuss. Oh, and be sure to take your little friend with you."

"What does Ninja have anything to do with this?" Edith asked.

"All in good time, little girl," said the first man. "Now come on. Go get us your parents."

Edith scowled and stomped back to the house, dragging her sword on the ground. She opened the door, stuck her head inside, and yelled, "Mom, Dad, the AVL guys are here to talk with you about something important!"

"COMEENG!" Gru yelled back as he dashed out of the bathroom and pulled up his pants.

Lucy nervously ran her fingers through her hair and straightened the lapel of her coat. "Do you think they're here for the robot?" she asked Gru as they walked out the door.

"Vell, vhat else could zey be here for?" Gru replied. He reached into his jacket and seriously considered blasting the men with a freeze ray, but Lucy gave him a Look, and all thoughts of mischief left his mind. He sighed. "You never let me do anytheeng fun anymore!"

"At least I keep you from losing your job," Lucy said. She smiled and waved at the agents, who just stared blankly back. "Hello!"

"Hello, Mrs. Wilde," the second agent said. "We are here to inquire about your robot. If our records are correct-"-at this point the agent whipped out a pile of paperwork-"-this robot used to belong to the notorious villain Balthazar Bratt. Is that correct?"

"But he's ours now!" Edith said. Lucy and Gru jumped when they saw Edith protectively clutching Clive to her. "And I won't let you take him away!"

"Sorry, miss, but the AVL would like to take the robot for testing," the first agent said. He almost looked like he was enjoying the whole thing.

"Now look here, meester," Gru said, stepping up to the first agent and sticking his nose in the agent's face. "My daughter has had zis robot for THREE WEEKS. She ees not going to geeve him up, and if you so much as TRY…" Gru took out his freeze ray and pointed it at the agents for effect.

Neither agent was fazed. "And we can take your job away if you so much as point that thing at us," the second agent said.

Edith ran up and kicked the agents in the shins. "You can't say that to Dad! That's not fair!"

Lucy nervously turned towards Clive and knelt down next to him while Gru tried to restrain Edith. "Okay, Ninja...what do you want to do?"

Clive slowly turned around to face the agents. Then, quite suddenly, he fell to his knees, crying hysterically.

The agents looked at one another for a moment, and in that moment, Clive dropped the facade. Unfortunately, the agents noticed and grinned maniacally.

"Sorry, but we'll have to take him with us," the agents said, "There's simply too much at stake, given recent...developments with Bratt."

Before anyone had a chance to ask what they meant, the agents slapped a pair of handcuffs onto Clive and hauled the wailing robot away into their van. Everyone stood in shock as they watched the truck drive away.

Edith looked pleadingly up at Gru. "You can get him back, right, Dad?"

Gru grinned naughtily. "Of course I can. Een fact, ve are all going back to get him right now!"


	3. Getting Bratty

Clive cringed as he was shoved past rows of criminals hidden deep within the bowels of the AVL. Each new face seemed to stare at him more maliciously than the next. He didn't exactly have a real heart, but nevertheless, he felt as if the plastic piece in his chest was beating hard. He kept whimpering and tugging at the restraints, but the agents just kept tightening the handcuffs no matter what he did.

Suddenly, he came upon a face that reminded him of something. A face that was so painfully 80's that it almost made Clive nauseous. There was something about that mustache…

Clive jumped as the man spoke. "Clive! There you are! I'm so sorry I didn't come back for you! Are they taking you too?"

"My name is Ninja," Clive said. He looked away and continued to roll along the rows of cells.

The man shook his head. "Clive, what's happened to you? Have you forgotten me already?"

Clive sighed. He felt badly for the man, who was clearly mistaking him for someone else. "I'm sorry. You must be mistaken. My name is Ninja, and I have never seen a man like you in my life."

At this, the man's mustache wilted. Clive, feeling guilty, tried to roll away as fast as he could. The agents suddenly brandished tasers, and he screeched in alarm. "Stop trying to sympathize with Bratt," growled the agent with the Fu Manchu, pressing what felt like a firearm into Clive's back.

Clive felt like cockroaches were crawling around inside of his stomach. "Who is Bratt?"

The agents scowled. "You know who he is. Stop playing coy," said the one with the cowlick.

Clive shook his head. "What are you talking about? I belong to Edith Gru. I've never had any other owners."

Clive yelped as he was tazed again. "Either you go in that cell or you tell us what Bratt's been up to ever since he started passing notes from his cell!" yelled Fu Manchu.

Clive didn't want to lie, but he had no choice. "I...uh...errr...I think he planned a heist?"

Cowlick leaned so close to Clive's face that Clive could smell the roast chicken on his breath. "Can you be more specific, sir?"

Clive shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. Umm, I saw one of your agents and they knocked me unconscious before most of the heist took place. I'm sorry, sir, but all I remember is waking up on Edith Gru's lawn. I can't tell you anything else. That's all."

Fu Manchu scowled. "You're lying."

"H-how do you know that?" Clive said.

The agent tapped something on Clive's wrist. Clive gasped. The agents had slipped a lie detector on his wrist, and they did it so subtly that Clive hadn't noticed until it was too late.

Clive tried to make himself look as cute and convincing as possible. "Sir, something must be wrong with your lie detector. I'm not lying."

Fu Manchu and Cowlick grabbed him by the arms and dragged him unceremoniously down the hall. "Hey-what's going on?" Clive yelped.

"We're just putting you where you belong," Fu Manchu said. Before Clive could ask what Fu Manchu meant, he found himself thrown in a cell. Fu Manchu and Cowlick chuckled as they locked the door with a satisfying click.

"Hey-I didn't do anything wrong! Let me go!" Clive protested.

Cowlick smiled evilly. "Of course you didn't. That's why we're going to keep you for questioning," he said as he and his cohort exited the hallway.

Clive banged on the bars and tried to open the door, but the thing really was locked tightly. Then he smiled. He knew what he'd do. When the agents left, he'd take out his drill and drill a nice big hole into the wall. They'd never know!

As though they had heard Clive's thoughts, the agents turned around with a scowl. "We also removed your drill and hammer when you weren't looking. Didn't want you trying anything, now did we?" said Cowlick.

"Don't leave me!" Clive said, feeling helpless as the agents chuckled and turned a corner. As soon as they had left, Clive did the only thing he could. He curled up in a corner and cried himself to sleep.

…

"Clive! It really IS you!"

 _Oh no. Not him again. Why does he think I belong to him? And why is he ruining my sleep?_

Clive lifted one tired eyelid to see Bratt staring into his cell. He jumped and crawled away from him. "Go away! I'm not yours! I belong to Edith Gru, and you're not a girl, so you can't be her!"

Bratt laughed. "Clive, stop playing games. You know it's me! Don't be afraid, I'll get you out in no time."

Clive looked at Bratt suspiciously. He didn't know why the man kept talking about someone named Clive, but if he could get him out alive….

"Okay, I guess," Clive said.

"That's the spirit!" Bratt said. "Now, where did I put that boom box…"

"BOOM BOX?!" Clive exclaimed.

Bratt winked. "Wait and see, Clive. Wait and see."

Just as Clive was about to ask just what the heck was going on, Bratt triumphantly pulled out a boom box big enough to crush an elephant's skull. "Ah, here it is! Woohoo!" Bratt said. He scrabbled at the wall until he uncovered something that he plugged the boom box into. Suddenly, loud 80's music blared throughout the room.

Clive shrieked and fell back onto his bottom. "Turn it down! You're hurting my ears!"

For a moment, Bratt looked miserably disappointed. "Clive, don't you like my music? You used to say this was your favorite song!"

Before Clive could reply that he'd never heard this song in his life, and, quite frankly, he thought it was rather trashy, one of the bars of the cell shattered. Bratt broke out into a dance that induced deja vu in Clive for some reason. Bratt kicked out some bars as the music continued to shatter even more. Before long, there was enough space for Clive to crawl through the bars unaided.

"Thanks for getting me out," Clive said as soon as he got out.

"No problem, my little friend," Bratt replied. Then he scooped Clive up under his arm. "Now let's get out of here so I don't have to have a dance battle with those agents!"

"Let me go!" Clive screamed. Bratt didn't seem to hear him. Instead, he did an admittedly masterful moonwalk across the floor before dancing out the hallway. A few more turned corners and weird dance moves later, Clive dazedly found himself strapped into a weirdly 80's boat as Bratt drove away, singing something else Clive didn't recognize at the top of his lungs.

"Can't you just give me my own boat?" Clive snapped. "And, by the way, your taste in music is terrible."

"If you hate my music so much, then why don't you go with THEM?!" Bratt burst out as he pointed to Gru and Lucy, who were watercycling furiously after the boat.

Clive sighed in relief. "That's them! Do you mind dropping me off with them?" he asked Bratt.

Bratt scowled and slapped Clive upside the head. "Of course I'm not! Clive, what is wrong with you? Don't tell me you got bubblegum stuck in your head again!"

Clive winced and rubbed his cheek. "I've never had bubblegum stuck in my head. What are you talking about? YOU'RE the one who smells like gum."

Bratt muttered something under his breath. Then he straightened up and grinned maniacally. "Well, if you don't want to come back with me...it looks like there's only one other option!"

"And what's tha-?" Clive started. Before he could finish his sentence, Bratt was tossing him out of the boat and into the water. Clive screamed. "I'm going to die if I land in that water! I'll s-s-short out! You can't do that to me!"

"Yes I can," Bratt said smugly, before popping a wad of sugary gum into his mouth. "I guess if you're not going to be loyal to me, I'll just have to make ANOTHER one of you."

Clive would have made some snarky comment back about not caring, but he didn't have time. That's because he hit the water and started flailing, trying to keep his head above the surface. "Help! Help! I can't swim!" Clive shouted. He winced as he felt something inside him start to spark and shut down. He figured he had about fifteen seconds, max, before he was out for good.

Then he heard a familiar Russian guy yelling. "Stay zere, Neenja! We'll have you in een no time!"

"Whew," Clive said. At least he wasn't going to turn into a mushy mass of metal. Unfortunately, he realized that Gru and his wife were still several feet away from him. Frantically, Clive tried to kick his feet and paddle over, but it was no use. His feet were about as good for kicking as Gru's head was for growing hair. Quite frankly, his arms were pretty useless too. All he could really do was just bob there and wait for help.

After what felt like eighty years, Gru finally pulled the barely-functioning Clive out of the water. "Neenja! Are you all right? You look terreeble," said Gru.

"No," Clive mumbled before a huge spark accidentally shocked Gru. Gru screamed and dropped Clive into the water again. Clive only had enough time to groan before he passed out.

…..

 _So cold...so cold…..so cold so cold so cold…._

"Ninja!"

Clive snapped awake with a gasp. He was wrapped like a mummy in about ten towels and was being looked at by a very worried Edith.

"Ninja, are you okay?" Edith asked.

Clive shook his head. "No," he mumbled. He shivered, still unable to get the chill of the ocean water out of his memory. He glanced at the clock and noticed it was about five o'clock. "What...how long was I off…"

"I don't know! Like, five hours! And that was AFTER Dr. Nefario fixed you!" Edith said.

Clive felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry, miss. I've never mixed well with water."

"Oh, it's not your fault! Bratt was really mean!" Edith assured him.

Clive wasn't used to that. He still didn't know if he'd ever really belonged to Bratt or not, but for some reason he thought he remembered an older owner who hadn't been very patient with him when things like this happened. "Thank you," Clive murmured, looking down at his towel-shrouded torso. "But why are all these towels here?"

"Because you kept saying how cold you were in your sleep," Edith said. "And, uhh, Dr. Nefario told me to dry you off because he said he couldn't work on you if you were wet."

Clive smiled weakly. "Thank you, ma'am," he said. Then he remembered something important. "Bratt….did he escape? What happened with those agents? Do they still want me?"

Edith hopped up and down excitedly. "Dad totally tricked Bratt into thinking that you were dead, and Bratt said he didn't want you anymore. Mom said she told the agents the same thing, so now I can keep you forever! Isn't that cool?"

Clive hugged Edith. "It is," he agreed, unaware that someone was planning to get him back at that very moment.

…..

The sounds of Michael Jackson blared through Balthazar's house as he tried in vain to ignore his phone. Eventually, he cautiously crept up to it, wielding a hammer wrapped with old leg warmers. "Hello?" he asked as he picked up the phone.

His eyes widened when he realized who was on the other end. "You're my prison guard? What do you want?"

Balthazar rolled his eyes at the answer. "No, I am NOT giving you my autograph!...yes, I know we had a deal, but who said I was going to keep it?"

Balthazar waited impatiently as the man on the other end ranted. "Yes, I understand you have written five thousand fanfics-WHAT? You think Clive and I should've been a couple on Evil Bratt? And you want to marry ME?! Listen, pal, I don't know what you think you're doing, but-"

Balthazar sighed. "Yes, I know, we had a deal, but you are not getting ANY of my personal stash of action figures, nor are you getting my autograph. Look, I appreciate that you passed notes for me in prison. It was wonderful! But it doesn't matter that you have ten tattoos of me on your arms, your chest, your legs, and your butt. I'm not giving you my autograph and that's final! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

Balthazar looked over at a large shape hulking in the shadows. "Look, Andy, this guy's not shutting up. Can you do something about it? And when I say do something about it, I mean ANYTHING. If you need to roll him into the ground, just do it. Please."

A robot that looked like a bigger, scarier version of Clive rolled over. "Yes, sir," the robot said.

"Thanks, pal," Balthazar said before scowling at the phone in his hand. "Man, the nerve of some people!"

Andy giggled. "He was a fool, sir. But he won't be one for long."

Balthazar beamed. "That's my boy! Do you need any bubblegum or exploding Rubik's cubes?"

Andy smiled. "I don't think so, sir. My chainsaws are in excellent condition." At this, he brandished a new pair of arms with disco-ball-esque chainsaws on the end.

"Excellent! Well, I'll just give you the address of the prison and you can do your thing," Bratt replied. "Just look for a man with about a million tattoos of me with a bald head, a nose ring, and short-shorts. Don't ask me HOW he got to wear short-shorts as part of his prison guard uniform, though. The guy is a complete lunatic!"

Andy nodded. "It will be done, boss."

Balthazar made a shooing action with his hand. "Great! Now get out of here and kill the guy as soon as you possibly can." He shoved a piece of paper into Andy's hands.

Andy nodded and giggled again. "Oh, boss, this is going to be SUCH fun."

"Oh, it sure will be! Tell me all about it when you get back," Balthazar said.

Andy waved before stepping into an elevator. "I'm taking the boat, right, boss? And I can use your cassettes?"

Balthazar frowned. "Yes, you're taking the boat. No, you can't use any of my cassettes, not even the ones from my weird phase. Just GO already!"

Andy looked slightly disappointed, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he pressed a button, and the elevator doors snapped shut to the theme song of Evil Bratt.

Balthazar rubbed his hands together. "Now I get to prepare my victory dance!"


	4. A Crazy Kidnapping

Gru looked sympathetically at Clive, who was crying again. "I'm so sorry, Neenja, but I had no choice. Ze AVL said I either turned you een or I vould get fired from my job."

"You can't turn me in! They'll torture me and keep me there forever!" Clive sobbed.

"Look on ze bright side. Dru stole you a lolleepop!" Gru said, presenting the robot with a cheery-looking red lollipop.

Clive sniffled. "I can't even eat it."

Gru sighed. "I'm sorry, Neenja. Eet's all I've got."

Clive lowered his head. "Do I have to get in the car now?"

Gru nodded. Clive whimpered one last time, took the lollipop from Gru's hand, and rolled gloomily over to the car. Dru waved from the window. "Hello, leetle robot! Did you like de lollipop I stole for you? Eet's the second time I got one from zat truck and zey didn't even notice!"

Clive didn't say anything. Instead, he shuffled into the backseat and sat next to Dru. Dru didn't even seem to care about Clive's misery. Instead, he starting the Freedonian national anthem while licking his own lollipop.

"Dru! Can't you see that Ninja is upset?" Lucy scolded from the driver's seat.

"I can't help eet! Eet's my second biggest theft ever!" Dru defended himself.

"Why isn't Gru coming?" Clive asked, realizing that Gru was stepping back into the house.

"He said he couldn't bear to rat out his own brother," Lucy explained. "The AVL wanted info on the...ummm...new lollipop thief, and Dru said he'd give them some 'leads' so they wouldn't know it was him."

"Yeah! Zat 'cousin' of mine will totally fool them!" Dru agreed.

Clive rolled his eyes. "Do you really think they're that stupid?"

Lucy grinned sheepishly. "Well, we'll just have to try, won't we?"

"I guess," Clive said. He looked over at Dru, wondering if the guy even had any objective grasp of the reality they were about to face. He wondered if he should say something, but he hated to ruin Dru's good mood. _Let the guy have his fun while he can. There are worse things he could be stealing. Or just doing in general. Then again, I'm not so sure the guy is smart enough to break out of prison like Bratt did…_

 _Wait a minute. Bratt!_ "Lucy, I need to tell you something!" Clive blurted out.

"What?" Lucy asked.

"Since Bratt broke out of prison the last time they brought me to the AVL, did you catch him?"

Lucy slowed her driving. "I, uhh, guess we'll have to bring that up at the meeting, won't we?"

Clive slapped his forehead. "What is _with_ you people?" he muttered under his breath.

"What did you say?" said Lucy.

Clive shook his head. "Nothing, ma'am."

Lucy pressed a button the car and squealed with glee. In a few moments, she drove the car off a dock. The car then proceeded to morph into a sub. It wasn't long before the three of them were at the headquarters of the AVL.

Valerie Da Vinci wrinkled her nose when Clive was brought in. "What is that piece of junk doing _here_?"

Clive quietly decided he hated the woman with every fiber of his body, but he didn't say anything. _Better to let Lucy do the talking._

Lucy awkwardly cleared her throat and began to speak. "Ummm, so you said you wanted Bratt's robot brought in or you'd fire us. So here he is! Yay!"

Valerie frowned. "That man always had terrible taste. Well, I guess we'll start interrogating him."

Clive glanced over at Dru and had to choke back a giggle. Dru looked like he'd swallowed a lizard. "How dare she say Bratt has bad taste! What a deespicable voman!" Dru muttered under his breath.

Valerie turned her head. "What did you just say, Dru?"

Dru spit in shock. "N-n-notheeng!" he sputtered.

Valerie looked disdainfully at the spit droplets on her arm and wiped them off. "All right, bolt bucket," she said, addressing Clive. "Do you have any memory of your time with Bratt at all? Or did he erase your memory to cover his tracks?"

"I...don't know," Clive admitted. "I've got a few memories…"

He jumped as Valerie shoved her big nosy face into his. "Tell me about them. _Now._ With as much detail as possible. And if you lie…" She tapped at her wrist. Clive figured she was talking about the lie detector that had been used on him before. He gulped.

"Ummm, uhhh, he wasn't all that nice to me," Clive began. He frantically searched for another memory when he realized that that wasn't what Valerie wanted. "Uhh, he listened to terrible music, he put bubblegum on his pancakes, he wore the same set of clothes every day, and…"

Clive stopped when he heard laughter. Confused, he looked around the room and blushed deeply. The entire AVL, including Lucy and Dru, was laughing at him.

Valerie scowled in a way Clive didn't know was humanly possible. "Is that all you got? You have NOTHING of importance to say about Bratt?!" she snarled as she shook him.

"The only thing left," Clive said weakly,"is that he escaped from the AVL recently. He bust me out, too, and tried to take me with him. I don't know where he is now, but…"

Clive flinched as Valerie dropped him and swore loudly. "THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY?! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHICH DIRECTION HE WAS HEADING IN?!" Valerie screeched.

"Ummm, I guess west," Clive said with a fake smile.

Valerie exhaled in exasperation and rolled her eyes. "All right, metalhead, if that's all you've got, then you can go back to wherever you came from. HOWEVER-"-she turned to stare at Dru-"-I'll be keeping the blonde gentleman for questioning. Is that understood?"

"Yes, miss," Dru said weakly.

"And from now on, you are to call me MS. DA VINCI, not MISS," Valerie hissed.

Clive looked at Dru sympathetically. Dru gave a feeble smile back. "Sank you," he whispered before he returned his attention to the questioning.

Clive didn't really pay all that much attention to Dru's debriefing. He was more worried about Bratt's escape than anything. Was Bratt going to try to steal him again? What had Bratt said again about building another robot? What about his memory? Was he ever going to get that back? And who exactly was this Clive person Bratt kept talking about?

Finally, Dru slouched in his chair and groaned, "Thank peegs, it's over."

Clive snorted at Dru's rather Freedonian choice of expression before sitting up and checking to see if Dru was right. Valerie's arms were crossed, but she seemed willing enough to let them go. "That was terrible. We'll be seeing you at the same time next week, and this time, YOU BETTER HAVE SOME NEW INFORMATION FOR US," she growled.

"We will!" Dru and Clive replied in unison.

Valerie muttered something under her breath about the terrible people she worked with before leaving the room. Lucy looked over at Clive and Dru. "You boys ready to go home?" she said.

"Are ve EVER!" Dru replied.

"Couldn't have said it better," said Clive.

"All right then. Meet me at the car!" Lucy said, a little too cheerily. She trotted off towards the car, and Clive could've sworn he saw a flash of all-too-familiar purple beneath her dress.

Clive turned to Dru, who seemed just as confused. "Is it just me, or is Lucy acting a little weird?" Clive said.

Dru nodded, blinking in disbelief. "Yes, she ees. And I could have sworn dat she and Gru said zey vere going to play hooky and go to a fancy restaurant today."

Clive gasped. "Do you think that's Bratt in disguise? Gru told me once that he's disguised himself as Lucy before."

"I don't know. Vhy vould he take us here? Vhat vould he vant vith us?" Dru asked.

"Either way, we better stay out of that car and go find Valerie," Clive said.

Dru opened his mouth to agree, but before he could speak, he screamed and went down like a stone. Clive rushed to his side, alarmed. "Dru? Are you okay?"

Dru didn't respond. That was when a shadow fell over Clive. Horrified, Clive looked up and saw….a bunch of robots who were wearing the uniforms of AVL agents. And they looked exactly like Bratt, which made them even creepier.

One of the robots raised its fist. "You're coming with Bratt right now, or else we'll melt you down into metal," it hissed.

Clive shook with terror. "What did you do to Dru?"

Another robot stepped up and smirked. "Oh, him? We just karate-chopped him. Works every time. Now come with us or we'll do as we say."

Clive looked around in a panic, but to his horror, he realized that every possible route was blocked by Bratt-bots. Clive tried to swap out his arms for his hammer and drill, but the Bratt-bots just laughed at him. "Nice try. For every robot you knock down, we've got five thousand more," sneered one of the 'bots.

Clive scowled. "Fine, I'll go with you. Just promise not to hurt Dru. He's got no part of this. Understand?"

The Bratt-bots roared with laughter. Clive felt his temper rise, but he swallowed down the urge to rampage. Instead, he followed the Bratt-bots into a small room equipped with nothing but a carpet and a cord. "This is where you'll stay during the trip," explained one of the Bratt-bots. "If you even attempt to escape, well…" The Bratt-bot removed a laser gun from its coat pocket and held it to Clive's throat.

Clive shivered but stood his ground. "I promise."

"Good!" And with that, the Bratt-bots turned around, locked the door, and filed back into the depths of the submarine.

Clive sat down by the cord and plugged it into his rechargeable batteries. As he charged, he stared at the ceiling, wondering if he was ever going to see the Gru family ever again.

…

A couple of hours later, Clive heard Dru groaning loudly. Worried, Clive unplugged himself and rolled to the door, then pressed his ear (or where it would be, anyway) against it. He could hear a couple of the 'bots trying to interrogate Dru, but the poor guy was totally out of it and seemingly had no idea what was going on. After a couple minutes' worth of unsuccessful interrogation, the 'bots abandoned their attempt.

It wasn't long before the Bratt-bots were knocking at Clive's door. "Come in," Clive said, huffing with annoyance. What did they expect him to do? Open the door? _They_ were the ones who had locked him in to begin with.

Eventually one of the 'bots kicked down the door itself. "We're there. Follow us and don't try anything funny," said one of the 'bots.

"Okay, but if Bratt is still playing the same music he's been playing for…" Clive trailed off as he realized, with horror, that he hadn't had any memory of how long Bratt had been listening to '80s music before. It seemed that, as time passed, old memories would pop into his head. He didn't know why, but judging by the glare of the Bratt-bots, he knew he'd have to be careful what he said from now on.

"We hate his music too, but there's nothing we can do about it," said one of the 'bots with an almost comical shrug.

Clive's electronic mouth formed into a toothy grimace. "Just take me there already," he growled.

"As you wish," said the Bratt-bots. With that, the 'bots surrounded Clive and began marching him towards a secret door in Bratt's home.

Clive noticed that Dru was just sitting on the ground behind him, rubbing his head and looking confused. "What are you going to do about Dru?" Clive asked nervously.

The 'bots smiled. "You'll see," said one of them.

Clive didn't trust them, but he knew better than to say so. Instead, he stared at the corridor ahead of him, trying not to think about how worried the Gru family must be and how he had the feeling that whatever was in store for Dru wasn't exactly pleasant.

…

"Oh my God, Gru! They're gone! Completely gone! Oh, I knew we should have gone to work today instead of going to Tortellini's!" Lucy said.

After a rather lovely date at the Italian restaurant, Lucy and Gru had come home to everyone panicking and frantically searching for Clive and Dru. Nobody could say what had happened, except that Dru and Clive had stepped into an unfamiliar car and been driven away by someone who looked like a clone of Lucy. Worse, the robot who had impersonated Gru was wreaking havoc in Nefario's lab, spilling chemicals and wrecking machines. Gru had a feeling his wallet would be quite light by the end of the month if the damage was anything to go by.

But the cost of the damage to Nefario's lab was the least of his problems. After reporting the incident to the police, Gru and Lucy had discovered that nobody had seen the person who'd kidnapped Dru and Clive. Furthermore, a hooded, masked man had snuck into a neighborhood power grid and totally destroyed it, leaving the police occupied with other matters while the kidnapper had gone unnoticed.

Gru felt sick. His brother was in terrible danger, and it was all his fault. Despite Lucy's attempts to reassure him, he knew that Clive and Dru weren't running off on a robbery-related lark or hanging out in town. Bratt had gotten them. He was sure of it.

"Gru, I'm sure he's fine! He wants to be a supervillain; he can take care of himself!" Lucy told Gru for the thousandth time as Gru sat dejectedly on the sofa, his head in his hands.

"Lucy, I know you mean vell," Gru said. "But you don't know vhat Dru ees like. He's like a child. He doesn't have ze experience zat I do. He could be killed for all I know!"

Edith sulked in a corner nearby. She was angry at Gru for losing her robot, and she hadn't said a word since Lucy and Gru had come home. Gru suspected she was partially blaming herself for the kidnapping. From what Gru could gather from Margo and Agnes, a tall robot resembling Bratt had trapped the girls in their room, threatening to blast them to pieces. Edith had valiantly tried to defend them using her ninja skills, but the robot had proven too much of a challenge for her, and it disappeared shortly after "Lucy" drove away with the kidnappees.

Gru got up and walked over to Edith. "Edith, it's not your fault," Gru said as he softly placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes it is! If the robot hadn't got away, then maybe Dru and Clive would still be here!"

"There's nothing you can do now, Edith," Lucy reassured. "All we can do now is wait for someone to find Dru and Clive and tell us where they are."

Edith slowly uncrossed her arms, and Gru could see that there were tears in her eyes. "Why can't _we_ go after them? You guys are secret agents! You're supposed to help people who get captured by villains! We can't just sit around and wait for the police! They might not ever find them, and…"

Gru hugged her. "Ve don't want to put ourselves in danger, Edith. Besides, we only rescue people when ze AVl tells us to."

Edith frowned. "That's stupid! You guys went and stole a diamond even though the AVL didn't tell you to, but you won't even save your own family!"

Gru looked at Lucy, unsure of what to do. "Uh-oh," Gru muttered. Lucy's eyes were shining, and Gru figured that that meant trouble.

"You know, Gru, she's got a point," Lucy said.

"But Bratt could capture us too if ve go after zem," Gru protested. "Ve don't even have a plan of attack!"

"So? We can make one up as we go along!" Lucy said.

Gru groaned. There was no stopping Lucy at this point. "Okay, okay, I guess ve could go after zem," Gru said. He looked at Edith, who looked like she was going to pee her pants with excitement. "But no keeds. Zis meession ees going to be adults only."

Edith dropped her collection of samurai swords. "Why can't I come?"

"Eet's too dangerous! You could get hurt!" Gru said.

"But Nefario let us come along-" Edith started.

"Yes, and eet vas very eeresponseeble of him," Gru finished.

"Why can't the girls come along? I can keep an eye on them," Lucy asked.

Gru shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no! Zey vill stay behind vith Dr. Nefario, and zat's final."

Both Lucy and Edith looked disappointed, but they didn't protest. Gru stood up and turned in the direction of his secret lab. "Now eet's time for us to suit up."

Lucy trotted after him, grinning ear to ear. "Oooh, I wonder what weapons we're going to take along this time!"


	5. Well, This Is Going Badly

The Bratt-bots walked up to the door in front of them and knocked. A moment later, the door opened to the tune of a Cyndi Lauper song. Clive rolled his eyes. "Does EVERYTHING this guy does have to be from the 80's?" he complained.

The Bratt-bots glanced at each other. "YES," one of them insisted.

"But that doesn't matter right now," interjected another. "Right now you're going to see Bratt, and if you complain about how terrible his music is one more time, we're going to turn you into scrap metal."

"Fine," Clive said. He felt butterflies dancing in the pit of his stomach. He really, really didn't want to see Bratt at all….and yet, there was a tiny part of him that was absolutely thrilled to see the guy again. He didn't know why. Was this perhaps a part of his past programming coming to the surface?

Clive rolled into the room and looked around. "Nothing's changed," he said before clapping his hands over his mouth. Where had that come from? It seemed the closer he got to Bratt, the more old memories he received.

Before Clive had a chance to think that one over, he found himself tackled by Bratt. Clive gagged-the guy reeked of week-old bubblegum and sugary kids' cereal. Bratt didn't seem to care. He just lifted Clive up and spun around the room with him.

"Stop that! My head is spinning!" Clive complained.

Bratt laughed and put Clive down. "I'm sorry, pal, I'm just so happy to see you!" Bratt said. "Do you still remember me, or do you need a little help getting your memory back?"

"Uhh, I-" Clive began. He never got a chance to finish, because Bratt grabbed a hammer wrapped in leg warmers and lifted it over his head.

Before Clive could even scream, the hammer came down on him. The last thing he saw before the world disappeared in a bright white flash was Bratt saying cheerfully, "Hope this works, pal!"

A few moments later, Clive found himself lying on his back on the purple fuzzy carpet, staring into Bratt's eager face. "Ow." Clive winced. His head felt like it had been put through a blender. Stupidly, he reached up to feel for a lump and found nothing more than the tiniest of dents.

 _How did Bratt do that without busting my head open?_ Clive wondered. But that wasn't the weirdest thing that had happened. The weirdest thing was that...he remembered Bratt. He remembered where he was. He remembered why Bratt was so excited to see him….and he even knew who Clive was!

"I'm _Clive_?!" Clive sputtered, unable to believe his revelation.

Bratt giggled. "Who else did you think you were? David Bowie?"

Clive sat up and shook his head, his mind still blown. "I...I really thought my name was Ninja and that the Grus had owned me forever! I'm so sorry! I can't believe I was so stupid!"

"Oh, who cares?" Bratt laughed. "The important thing is that you're back again and we can go on heists together!"

Clive's mouth opened in shock. Heists? Really? "I, ummm...I'm not so sure I'd like to do that anymore," Clive said with a nervous laugh.

"Don't worry about that, 'cuz you don't have to do any heavy lifting anymore!" Bratt said mysteriously. He snapped his fingers, and a door opened to reveal a huge robot with an angry scowl who resembled Clive in almost every way. "I'd like you to meet your brother Andy!"

Clive stared, mouth still open. Bratt frowned. "Don't you have any manners, Clive? Say hello to Andy!"

Clive forced a tiny smile onto his face and waved. "Hi, I'm Clive! I was born in 1985, I was made in Japan, Bratt rescued me from the set of some silly TV show and-"

"Nice to meet you, Clive," thundered Andy. The huge robot reached out one of his pincers, as though to offer a handshake. Clive rolled up and stuck out his own pincer. Immediately, Andy grasped it and shook it so hard that Clive thought his arm would fall right off.

"Thank you," Clive gasped. He whirled around and squinted at Bratt. "Excuse me, sir, but why did you make Andy? You seem well-off enough with your army of Bratt-bots and all…"

"Well, I needed _someone_ to get things done while you were gone," Bratt insisted. "Besides, I was always considering you an upgrade someday, but since you were with the _Grus_ for so long.." Bratt stuck out his tongue in disgust.

"They weren't that bad!" Clive said. "One of his daughters was really nice to me while I was there."

Bratt chortled. "Give me a break! The Grus are _nice_? Yeah, right!"

Andy snorted. "Nobody who wrecks a robot Bratt spent his life building can possibly be nice. And by the way, I heard you got stuck in that thing! Pathetic."

"Oh, yeah? Who gave you the right to remind me of _that_?" Clive screeched. _There's NO way this guy is related to me whatsoever_.

Andy snickered. "Whatever, buddy. Bratt personally told me that he likes you better than me. And this was after he said I was way cooler than you ever were! So you know what? GET OUT OF MY WAY, WIND-UP TOY."

Bratt separated the two robots, who were by now ready to trade blows. "Hey guys, calm down! I don't even care which one of you is better. As long as both of you play heist music and get rid of weird guys in short-shorts who want to marry me, I am totally cool with you!"

"WHAT?" Clive exclaimed.

"Maybe I'll tell you about that... _some other time_ ," Andy sneered.

Clive grumbled. _Getting kidnapped was worse than I thought. And now that I have my old memories back, well...what am I supposed to do?_

…...

"Oh _no_ ," Gru moaned.

Dru was hanging precariously from the Rubik's Cube-shaped fortress, swaying in the breeze like a yo-yo. "Errm, brother, can you get here a leetle faster? Zese pants can't hold me up forever," Dru called.

"What kind of pants _are_ those?" Lucy asked.

"Who knows?" Gru replied. "But no matter vhat zey're made of, ve have to hurry, or I von't have a brother much longer!"

Lucy pressed a pedal on her watercycle and sped furiously towards the fortress. Gru sped after her, even though he wasn't sure how exactly they were going to climb to the top. He'd brought along the special suits he and Dru had used to invade the fortress before, but they'd be no use against the spikes surrounding the island.

"Lucy, vhat's your plan of attack?" Gru shouted.

Lucy grinned like a maniac. "This," she said. Pressing a button on her watch, she encased the first spike in a ball of epoxy, then hopped on top of it as though it were a stepping stone. "Coming?"

"Zat...zat's _brilleeant_!" Gru said. "I should have thought of zat myself!"

Gru waited until Lucy had encased the next spike and jumped on it before hopping on to the first one. Lucy continued to convert the spikes into stepping stones until they had reached the base of the fortress. When they finally reached the end of the spikes, they dropped into a small space behind the last spike and quickly changed into the suits. Then they began scurrying up the wall towards Dru.

Dru checked the seat of his pants and realized that they were beginning to slip. "Uh, guys, zese pants are starting to slip! Hurry up!"

"Ve're trying our hardest!" Gru said. He and Lucy were only a little over a third of the way up the tower and still had a ways to go.

"Vell, try a leetle harder! I don't vant to be a sheesh-ke-bab!" Dru complained.

….

Inside the tower, Bratt noticed tiny black-and-white shapes scurrying up the base of the tower. "Son of a betamax! It's them again! AFTER THEM!" Bratt swore, pointing at Clive and Andy.

"Sir, we can't go after them," Clive pointed out. "We'd just fall onto the spikes."

Bratt tossed a pair of suction cups at him, then another pair at Andy. "Then use these! I don't care what you can or can't do; just GET THEM!"

Andy grinned and got out his chainsaws. "Right on, boss!" he said as he stuck the suction cups onto his feet.

Clive gulped and copied Andy. "I don't know if this is going to work…." Clive trailed off as he looked at the stomach-churning drop out the window.

"Oh, go on! You're not chicken, are you?" Andy taunted as he shoved Clive out the window.

For a few moments, Clive screamed as he fell headfirst in a dizzying freefall. Then he remembered the suction cups and tried desperately to stick to the wall. It didn't look like it was going to work. He was too far away from the wall to even be able to touch it anymore. Horrified at the gruesome death that awaited him, Clive felt himself start to pass out.

That is, until Andy bumped into him and knocked him against the wall. "Thanks, Andy!" Clive cried as the force of the bump stuck him onto the wall.

Andy snorted as he started to crawl down the wall towards the suited-up figures. "I saw you fainting back there," Andy grunted. "That was humiliating. I wonder why Bratt likes a girly coward like _you_ better?"

Clive blushed. "I-ummm….I had a malfunction! I wasn't fainting!" he defended himself as he followed Andy.

Andy smirked. "Whatever you say, Clive. Whatever you say."

Clive was about to argue with Andy again when he suddenly noticed who was in the suits. _That's Gru and Lucy! Oh no...what am I going to do?_

Andy didn't seem to be distressed at all. In fact, he looked quite thrilled at the sight of Lucy. "Hey gorgeous! What're you doing with a guy like _him_?" he said as he pointed rudely at Gru.

A dart flew through the air and pierced one of Andy's eyes in response. "Ow!"

Clive laughed. "Who's the embarrassing one now?" he teased as he got out his hammer and drill. He didn't know exactly _how_ he was going to use them without hurting Lucy or Gru, but he was going to make sure no harm came to his former owners.

"Shut up," Andy hissed, clearly mortified at his own blunder. He ripped the dart out of his eye without so much as a grimace before flinging it back at his tormentors. "Take that!"

Clive closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to see the results. He heard a loud scream and winced. He hoped the dart hadn't landed in anyone else's eyes.

"You're fainting again, aren't you?" Andy asked.

Clive's eyes flew open. Tentatively, he glanced down the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. The dart hadn't landed anywhere near Gru or Lucy. Instead, it had fallen harmlessly between them...but they'd had to jump to avoid the dart, and now they were hanging on by just their fingertips.

Clive felt his stomach twist and turn. "I think we should leave them alone," he whispered to Andy.

Andy looked betrayed. "What? You're just gonna let them escape like that? Just whose side do you think you're on?"

"Y-you're right," Clive said as he readied his weapons. "How do you suppose we take them out?"

Andy smiled sinisterly. "With THESE," he said as he rushed at the duo with his chainsaws whirring.

Clive's heart felt like it had frozen. " _NO!_ " he screamed as he threw himself between the AVL agents and Andy.

Andy paused just inches from Clive, his chainsaws slowly winding down. "Clive, get out of the way! They're intruders!" Andy snapped.

"But we can't kill them!" Clive insisted, still in a state of shock. He looked back at Lucy and Gru, who were looking completely confused at Clive's act of heroism.

"He still cares about us?" Lucy said.

"I guess so," Gru said. He looked at Dru, who was looking more panicked than ever at his pants' failure to hold him up. "But what do ve do about Dru?"

"We do this," Lucy said. Without warning, she grabbed Gru by the arm, took out a gun, and shot a grappling hook towards the ledge where Dru was hanging. With a "YEE-HAW!", Lucy swung them over to the ledge and yanked Dru up beside them.

Dru looked at his pants in dismay. "My pants! Zey're stretched beyond repair!" he sobbed. "And zat vas my best pair!"

Gru tried not to laugh. "Vell, you can get a new pair vonce ve get you back home."

Andy shook his fist at the Grus. "Get back here! Balthazar won't let you get away with this!"

"We'll see about that," Lucy retorted. With another blast of her grappling hook gun, she swung Gru and Dru to a safe spot on the spiky beach near the watercycles.

As she hopped onto hers, Gru looked at Dru and asked, "Vhat do we do about Dru? Zere's no space for heem."

Before Lucy could answer, a VHS tape flew through the air and hit Dru on the head. "NOT AGAIN!" Dru groaned as he rubbed his head.

Clive couldn't help but giggle. He giggled even more when Gru picked up the tape and exclaimed, "'LAST EPISODE OF EVIL BRATT'?! Seriously?!"

As Gru swung onto his watercycle and shoved Dru in behind him, he heard Bratt shout cheerfully, "Make sure everyone in the whole world sees it!"

….

"Have you ever actually seen the last episode of Evil Bratt?" Andy asked Clive as they sat in Bratt's bedroom, taking the suction cups off their feet.

"Yeah. Once. It wasn't all that great," Clive admitted. He frowned and pulled harder, only to be knocked backwards as the suction cup finally came off. "Ooof!"

Andy tilted his head to the side. "So if it's not exactly great television, then why is Bratt so obsessed with it? I'm pretty sure I've only been around for a month and a half, and he spent _hours_ every day talking about his stupid show."

Clive dramatically put the back of his pincer to his forehead. "Because Bratt is a maniac who thinks his show was the best thing in the world!"

"He's a nut all right," Andy agreed.

Clive sniggered. "I think that's the only time we've actually both agreed on something."

Before Andy could come up with something nasty to spit back, Bratt danced into the room. "Woohoo! My totally bodacious plan actually worked! Now everyone can see the masterpiece that was the final episode of Evil Bratt!"

Clive couldn't even bring himself to fake a smile. "Good. Now, can we do other stuff that isn't related to Evil Bratt?"

Bratt looked scandalized. "Clive, are you saying you don't like my show anymore?"

What Clive really wanted to say was, _Yes. This entire time, I thought your show was awful and now I'm not afraid to say so to your face._ But he didn't want to hurt Bratt's feelings, so instead he said, "It's a great show. I don't have a problem with it. It's just that you're...the tiniest bit...ummm...over-enamored of it."

"I am NOT! Evil Bratt was the best show on the air!" Bratt insisted.

Andy leaned in towards Clive and uttered, "You're right, Chive. He's a total mental case."

"My name is actually _Clive_ ," Clive corrected him, trying to hide his glee at the fact that for once Andy wasn't arguing with him.

"Besides," Bratt added. "If they don't air the final episode of Evil Bratt, I'm gonna build my robot again!"

Clive went cold. "Please, sir, don't do that," he pleaded.

"Yeah, you're gonna make poor Chivey faint again," Andy snarked.

"My name is _Clive_ ," Clive said. "And I don't faint! You try being trapped under concrete and burning wires for thirty minutes."

Bratt laughed. "Suit yourself! I know for a fact that Andy here would be more than happy to accompany me."

A look of suspicion flitted across Andy's face for the briefest moment. But then he swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, of course I'm going with you. Besides, I'm bigger and stronger than Clive ever was!"

"That's my boy!" Bratt clapped Andy on the back. "Now to procure the materials…"

When he was sure that Andy and Bratt weren't looking, Clive let out a sob. _Do you think that the Grus would be willing to take me back?_

…...

"Zat's _eet_?" Gru asked as he and the rest of the AVL finished watching the tape Balthazar Bratt had given up. "No secrets? No code? Just a... _a normal televeesion show_?!"

"I'm afraid so," Valerie Da Vinci admitted. She clenched her fists by her sides. "Just when we were _so_ close to finding something….we get _this_ - _this utter piece of garbage_!"

A guy in the back row cleared his throat nervously. "Ummm, Valerie, aren't you being a little harsh? I mean, Evil Bratt was a big show back in the day…"

Valerie glared at the guy for three minutes flat until he slunk down in his seat. She paced back and forth, rattled by the lack of clues the tape had revealed. "So besides this tape, there's no leads on Bratt or where his location is. I'm going to have to think about this one for a while." She clapped her hands sharply. "Meeting dismissed!"

"I'm not surprised that nothing came of the tape," Lucy said as she and Gru prepared to leave.

"You're not?" Gru said.

"Yeah," Lucy replied. "I figured Bratt just wanted to come to a kind of closure on his show, you know? Like, since he was so upset it ended and all, maybe he wanted to have some sense of control over it."

"I never thought of it like zat," Gru said. "But zere vas something he said….'make sure ze whole vorld sees it'. Vhat if he finds out zat we're not releasing ze tape to ze public?"

"Well, I don't know!" Lucy said. "Who knows what he's doing out there? He could be building another giant robot for all we know!"

"Speaking of robots…" Gru frowned. "How do ve tell ze girls about Clive?"

"Ummm…" Lucy trailed off. Gru waited for her to finish her sentence, but she never did.

"I know, I know," said Gru. "I don't know vhat to tell ze girls either! But Edith knows zat something ees up. She's been asking us for days vhat happened to her robot. She's not going to be happy when she hears zat Ninja ees working for Bratt now."

Lucy slipped her hand into Gru's and squeezed it. "I guess we'll just have to do the best we can."

"I guess ve vill," said Gru.

…...

"I don't even know where you would get purple shiny paint from," Clive remarked as he looked at what seemed like thousands of cans of the exact same shade of purple.

"And I got a discount too!" Bratt crowed. He danced around one of the cans for a bit before picking up two of the cans by their handles. "So, who's ready to help me paint?"

"Paint what?" Andy complained.

"Paint my brand-new giant robot, of course!" Bratt said.

"Y...you made it that fast?" Clive asked.

"I got the Bratt pack to do it practically overnight," Bratt explained. "In fact, I think they're still working on it right now!"

Andy grimaced. "Why can't they do the paint as well? We can't possibly reach that high. You built us so close to the ground!"

"Andy does have a point," Clive said.

Bratt frowned and stroked his mustache. "Huh...you're right," he muttered. "But it would still be fun to paint with you guys! Are you ready?"

Both robots just stared at Bratt.

Bratt sighed. "Fine. I'll get the Bratt pack to do it," he said. "You guys are just afraid of some brotherly bonding, aren't you?"

"I just don't want to get paint on me," Andy said.

"And I don't want to paint with Andy," Clive added.

"Good, because I don't want to paint with you either!" Andy said. Clive watched as Andy angrily rolled out of the room. _What's with him? He's so angry all the time. Is that some kind of programming mistake? Or does Andy have some kind of problem with anyone who isn't him?_

"How long do you think it will be until you're ready to launch your new robot?" Clive asked.

"A few weeks," Bratt replied cheerfully. "Besides, I still have to wait and see if the AVL releases my tape to the public or not!"

 _Great. Just a few weeks until I get crushed by rubble again_ , thought Clive.


	6. Of Bots and Brains

"You do realize there isn't any real reason to rebuild this robot again, right?" Andy asked Bratt as they took the robot for a test drive.

"What are you talking about? It's better than the first one! And besides, this one has a bowtie!" Bratt insisted.

Clive and Andy rolled their eyes. They hated to admit it, but Bratt was right. This new robot had some neat hidden weapons, better controls, and smoother movement. Bratt had also claimed it could lift more than a thousand pounds, but Clive and Andy were pretty sure he was just making that up.

But none of that really mattered. Both of them knew that Bratt had lost it. His obsession with his show was bad enough, but now he wasn't even bothering to come up with original schemes? Clive wasn't sure how Andy felt about this, but he knew that, personally, he felt the most terrible sense of dread. His life was going to become a time loop folding back on itself as Bratt spiraled further into obsession.

"Ready to get crushed, loser?" Andy sneered, bringing Clive back to the present moment.

"Oh, come on! It's not going to happen!" Clive snapped. Almost on cue, the robot stumbled, and Clive found himself desperately clinging to Andy. Weirdly enough, Andy was clinging to him, too.

"Sorry about that, boys!" Bratt said, seemingly oblivious to the terror of his robot friends. "I guess there's still a few kinks I have to work out on the controls."

"That's the understatement of the century," Clive muttered under his breath. But he didn't have much time to worry about the impending attack, because the robot suddenly stumbled again.

"BALTHAZAR!" Andy and Clive screamed in unison.

Balthazar didn't take notice of them. He was far too busy shooting lasers at the AVL van that they'd just fallen over.

"Clive! Andy! _THE BUBBLEGUM CANNONS_!" Bratt cried.

Clive looked sheepishly at Andy. "I don't know where they are."

"Are you stupid? They're right here!" Andy exclaimed as he pulled open a hatch, only to be punched by a rainbow-colored boxing glove. "Ow! Why the hell is this even here?"

Clive couldn't help but giggle. _Serves him right!_

Bratt snorted. "For intruders, of course," he sneered. "Now get over and man the _real_ bubblegum cannons!" He pointed to two almost-impossible-to-see pink cannons poking out the exterior.

Clive and Andy scuttled over and frantically slammed on several buttons, not quite sure what they were supposed to do. Immediately, ginormous wads of various-colored gum spewed wildly all over the city.

" _CLIVE! ANDY!_ " Bratt screamed.

"We're sorry!" the robots yelped in unison. "We just don't know what we're supposed to do!"

"Oh for crying out loud….just turn the stupid thing and press the pink button!" Bratt said, slapping his forehead. Clive thought he heard Bratt mutter something under his breath about artificial intelligence not being so intelligent, and it took everything he had not to sass Bratt back. Instead, he did as Bratt told, but as he aimed, he made sure that the blob landed just next to the AVL truck, in case Gru or Lucy were in there.

Bratt rolled his eyes. "Nice shot there, Clive. Couldn't you do better than that?"

"Yeah," Andy added. "It's almost like you're on their side or something."

"I am _NOT_!" Clive yelped. He panicked as he scrambled for an excuse. "I just….uhhh….my pincers slipped, that's all!"

As soon as the words exited his mouth, he knew nobody was going to buy it. _What am I going to do? I think they want to kill me. There's nowhere I can go without being kidnapped,_ he realized with horror.

Clive smiled sheepishly. The next thing he knew, Andy had grabbed him by the throat and was forcing Clive to look him in the eyes. "What's wrong with you? Are you siding with the Grus or what?!" Andy snarled.

Clive looked defiantly back at Andy. "Who cares if I am? What makes you think I am, you angry button-pusher?"

Andy smacked Clive across the face. Satisfied with the resulting whimper from Clive, Andy said, "Come on, Clive, admit it. You like the Grus. If you're going to be a traitor, at least be honest about it!"

"Fine," Clive admitted. "Do what you want with me. I'm sick of putting up with you anyway."

Clive wished he could take back his words as Andy marched towards one of the windows. "Fine then. Take a good look, Chive, because this is gonna be the last thing you'll ever see!" Andy declared before he chucked Clive through the window.

"My name is Cli-" Clive started, but his words were cut off by his own screams as he plummeted to his doom. _Well, look on the bright side; maybe dying is the best thing I can do. At least then I won't be torn between these two maniac families,_ he thought as he continued to fall.

He was still screaming when he felt someone slap him across the face. He cautiously cracked open an eye to see Cowlick and Fu Manchu glaring down at him.

"It's you again," he said.

The two agents scowled even more. "Yeah, and you just broke the roof of our van," moaned Cowlick.

"Whuh-?" Clive began. The agents pointed up at the roof to reveal a roughly Clive-shaped hole in the roof of the van. Clive started laughing hysterically. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even think that-"

Fu Manchu clapped a hand over his mouth, and Clive went silent. "You're not going to laugh for long. We're taking you back to the AVL to pick your brain."

Clive started giggling again, against his better judgment. "What are you talking about? I don't have a brain! I have a data-"

"Oh, so you want proof, now do you?" growled Fu Manchu. Clive opened his mouth to ask just what was going on, but before he could say a single thing, his body limply flopped forward as the ominous, slimy mixture-filled container with his brain was pulled out of his body.

Cowlick smiled and stroked the brain. "Can't wait to see what's in it."

Fu Manchu returned the grin. "Me too, Cowlick. Me too."

…..

 _What was your last memory of Bratt before capture?_

Clive felt confused. He couldn't see, hear, or feel anything, and yet he clearly sensed the command squirming its way into his database. _I bet I'm dreaming_ , he thought. _Or maybe I freaked out and fainted again._

The question repeated itself. _What was your last memory of Bratt before capture? Answer, you hideous brain in a jar!_

 _Ma'am, I don't have a brain. I have a database. Sorry to disappoint you,_ Clive thought back. This whole thing was rather creepy and he wished someone would explain what was going on.

 _Stop lying, you traitorous mass of tissue! We can clearly see your brain hooked up to the machine,_ scolded the voice. Clive wasn't a hundred percent sure, but he thought the voice sounded an awful lot like Valerie Da Vinci.

 _Machine? What are you talking about? I think I'm dead,_ Clive replied.

 _You idiot. Your brain is hooked up to the machine so we can talk to you without you running away. We can see the bubbles and the electrical current, so we know you're still alive. NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION, YOU FREAK OF NATURE!_

 _Maybe I will once you're nicer,_ Clive retorted. Whoever was being rude to him obviously deserved a sassy reply. He hadn't made a really great one in a while, and it sure would be nice to sass Valerie. The Grus would probably like it, too.

 _Are you trying to appeal to the Grus' sympathy? One of their little girls is in tears. The sooner you answer the question, the sooner we can get you back in your silly metal body,_ said Valerie.

Clive felt cold. _My body? Machine? Talking? One of the Gru girls in tears?_ He thought he got an idea of what was going on. They'd ripped out his database, attached it to some weird machine so he could still think, and the poor Grus had to watch as he lay totally helpless before the AVL. _No wonder one of the girls is crying. I hope it's not Edith._

 _Well? Get on with it!_ Valerie snapped.

 _Sorry,_ Clive said. _Errrmmm, let me see….uhh, I was in Bratt's new crazy robot, and I was shooting bubblegum at the AVL van. I tried not to hit them in case the Grus were in there. Andy threw me out the window, and I was screaming and falling, and then Cowlick and Fu Manchu complained about me ruining the van and then they ripped my database out. I think that's about it._

There was a moment of silence before Valerie spoke to him again. _Who's Andy?_

 _He's Bratt's new robot. He looks a lot like me, except he's bigger and scarier and he hates me,_ Clive said.

After that, Valerie asked him a series of questions about Andy: how he had been programmed, when Bratt had made him, what, if any, weapons he had, what did he think Bratt and Andy were going to do next. Half of the time, Valerie had to remind him of the question, since he was so bored with answering them that he honestly forgot what he was supposed to say. He was glad that Valerie was frustrated, though. At least he had some form of relief from her endless inquiries.

After what seemed like fifty years, Clive was finally brave enough to ask, _Are these questions almost over?_

The response that came chilled him. _No. We're going to be questioning you and examining your memories for a long, long time. Right now, in fact, we are going to lock you and your little brain up in a vault for a while so we can figure out what to ask you next._

 _N-n-no you won't! You can't! That's horrible!_ Clive wailed. He didn't hear an answer back after that, so he figured Valerie had picked him up and was carrying him to the vault. He felt a buzz of fear as he realized that this would be the rest of his existence: A disembodied mind, destined to be driven mad by loneliness and lack of contact with the rest of the world.

Just as he was getting ready to scream in horror, he felt what, oddly enough, seemed to be a falling sensation. Then he heard the shatter of glass and a little girl screaming, "Give him back! Stop being so mean to him!"

He had just enough time to think, _I'm so glad Andy isn't here to make fun of me passing out,_ before everything went black again.

…..

"Sorry, Gru. It looks like he's dead. There isn't much I can do about it," Nefario apologized as he looked at the wet, squishy brain in front of him.

"PLEEEEASE! You must do sometheeng! Ze girls vill keel me if you don't!" Gru begged.

Nefario tried not to laugh at Gru's almost comical desperation. "I'm sorry, Gru. I'm not familiar with this at all. I don't even have the faintest idea as to what I'm supposed to do. I don't even know if the brain is still alive or not."

"Do sometheeng! Anytheeng!" Gru pleaded. He was at the end of his rope. He knew how much this silly robot meant to Edith, and he feared having to tell her he couldn't do anything.

Nefario scratched his chin. "Well, I've been doing a few experiments, and one of your minions was able to survive for three weeks on nothing but that old jelly we made…"

"So?" Gru said.

"...so I might be able to sustain this brain on the jelly," Nefario concluded. "And with a few jolts of electricity, I just might be able to get our old friend going again."

"Zat ees brilleeant!" Gru said.

Nefario rolled his eyes behind his goggles as he got a container of jelly. After plopping the brain into the jelly, he hooked some wires to it and pressed a lever. A blinding electric blue light lit up the jar as zapping sounds filled the air. A few moments later, a couple of bubbles lazily made their way through the jelly to the surface.

"Vhat does that mean?" Gru asked, looking at the jar.

"It either means I've cooked his brain or that he's alive again," Nefario replied with a shrug.

Gru stared at him. "Ees zere any vay to know for certain?"

"There is a machine I could hook him up to to see if there's any brain activity…" Nefario trailed off. He carried the jar over to a machine with various wires and levers. Once again, he hooked up the brain, then stared at a couple of monitors that seemed to spout complete gibberish.

"Ees he alive?" Gru asked.

Nefario squinted and adjusted a few levers. "I'm not sure, but I think I'm getting something."

"Really? Vhat ees he sayeeng?"

"It's just brain activity. I'm not sure. I'd have to put him back into his body to know for sure what's going on."

Gru slapped his forehead. Why hadn't he taken Clive's body back with him?

Nefario put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Gru. The brain will be fine until we can get him his body back."

"But how do ve talk to heem? He's going to go crazy if he doesn't know vhat's going on!" Gru insisted.

"If I make a few tweaks here and hook up this other machine to him, I just might be able to talk to him," Nefario said as he frantically made adjustments. Gru tried to follow everything, but Nefario's movements were so rapid that he couldn't keep up. In a few moments, both were huddled around a screen that only displayed an enigmatic series of repeating ellipses.

"Well, he isn't dead. That's the good news," Nefario declared.

"Yes, but can he speak to us?" Gru said.

"I don't know yet, Gru! Give him some time!" Nefario snapped.

After what seemed like forever, a message finally appeared on the interface. _Hello! Is this heaven?_

Nefario chuckled, then typed in a response via a keyboard connected to the device. _No, Clive. We're glad to have you back. Unfortunately, you're going to have to wait until we get your body back._

It didn't take long for Clive to respond. _What? You mean I'm going to be stuck as a disembodied database until I get my body back?!_

 _I'm sorry, Clive. There's nothing we can do right now,_ Nefario typed back.

 _Great,_ Clive said. _I'll be stuck in a nightmare for however long it takes for you to get my body back._

"He's not very grateful, is he?" Nefario muttered.

Gru nodded. "I guess ve vill have to get ze body back as soon as posseeble if ve vant any peace around here."

…

A couple of weeks after Clive had gotten his body back (the AVL had reluctantly given it back after deciding Clive wasn't providing useful information and Gru might as well keep him), Clive was taking Kyle out to pee when he saw a face he hadn't seen in what felt like forever. A face that made him very, very nervous.

"Psst! Clive! Over here!" Andy whispered before yanking Clive behind a bush.

Clive yelped and tried to whistle for Kyle, but Andy clapped a hand over his mouth and glared. "You can't let anyone know what's going on. You spill the beans to anyone and you get a load of this-" Andy clicked on his chainsaws and whirled them around. "-so keep yer mouth shut, all right?"

Clive nodded, terror rising inside of him. What on Earth could possibly be going on?

"Bratt's going to launch his robot in a few days," Andy said. "He just found out that the AVL isn't releasing the final episode of Evil Bratt to the public, and he's pissed. He wants to get back the tape, broadcast it to the whole world, then destroy whatever he can."

"None of this concerns me," Clive sniffed. He winced as Andy raised a fist, but Andy didn't hit him. Instead, Andy gave him a look of disappointment and continued to explain.

"He wants you to be with him when he goes on his rampage. I told him that you could care less about him, but he wouldn't listen to me. He says you were an essential part of Evil Bratt and it just wouldn't be the same taking over the world without you. He really misses you, Clive. I know you don't like him, but you're his whole world. Honestly, I think he hates me more than you do."

"Really?" Clive said, surprised. Sure, he knew that Bratt didn't really have any other friends besides him, but he had no idea he didn't like Andy. He thought Bratt actually liked Andy better. Why wouldn't he? Unlike him, Andy was actually good at attacking people, he was way more loyal to Bratt, and he was better than him in every way. What was there _not_ to like?

Andy nodded, clenching his teeth and narrowing his eyes. "Bratt says he likes you better because, apparently, you're a 'real friend' with a 'real brain' and I'm just a pile of bolts and electricity who pretends to love him!"

Clive thought he knew where this was going. "Uhh, this has something to do with the fact that I think I have a brain, right?"

Andy growled and pinned him down. "You betcha! He says you're one of a kind, and unlike me, he can't just rebuild you if something happens to you. I guess you only matter to him if you have some kind of fancy science fiction doodads to make you 'real'! Apparently I'm just a stupid machine and I'll never be like you!"

Even though Clive was terrified, he couldn't help feeling a little sorry for Andy. After all, it wasn't Andy's fault that Bratt was biased towards him. It certainly wasn't Andy's fault that he was built differently. But what could he do? He didn't want to go back to Bratt, but he couldn't just let Andy suffer needlessly.

"Ummm, if you want to stay here, Nefario might have room for you in the basement," Clive suggested.

"I'm not staying with your stupid buddies," Andy said. "I'm here to take you back to Bratt's. I'm gonna replace you. Bratt said nobody would notice if I took your place. Frankly, I think he's hoping I'll get broken into bits while I'm here so he never has to deal with you again. The nerve of him!"

Clive rolled his eyes. "Andy, you look _nothing_ like me. For one, you weigh about three hundred pounds-"

Andy shoved him.

"-and for another, your personality is totally different," Clive continued, ignoring Andy. "Trust me, you wouldn't survive playing with Edith. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're way stronger than her, and Gru would kill you if you hurt her."

Andy was starting to lose it. "Clive! I've got no choice! You're going with me or getting chainsawed! Which do you prefer? I'm pretty sure Bratt would take me apart if I come back with nothing but your poor dead brain…"

Clive crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine. I'll come. But you're taking me back once this whole thing is over."

Andy shook his head. "I can't guarantee that, Clive. You'll just have to deal with whatever happens."

Clive rolled along after Andy, knowing with a sinking heart that Andy was right.


End file.
